soul eater madness
by Dtksgirl
Summary: Black*star accusing Kid of stealing his candy bar? The gang drinking ipacac? Spirit getting a rectal excsaim for Stien? The boys arguing over the correct pronouncation of milk? All this and more on soul eater on crack!
1. Spongebob 1

"Hey Black*star."Kid said as he walked into Black*stars house. "Look what i've got." he said in a sing-song voice as he held up a couple of chocolate bars. "Rectangles!" Black*star cheered.

"Not just any rectangles, candy bars." Kid said happily. "Ooh."black*star said. "Now we just have to make them last for the rest of the day." Kid warned since he didnt have any money left.

"Thanks dude. I think ill eat it now." Black*star said. Before Kid could say anything Black*star stuffed it into his mouth greedily. Then he leaned back in his chair and sighed. After a few seconds he spoke up. "I think i'll eat it now." Then he shoved his fist in his mouth. "Ow, damn it!" he complained before he looked shocked.

"Wheres my candy bar? I must have dropped it!" Then he dove under the table and began searching. Then he popped up on Kids side of the table and saw the candy bar in his hand. "I see how it is." Black*star said accusingly. "You stole my candy bar!"

"No I didnt. This one is mine." Kid said. "Yea right." Black*star sneered. "Now im gonna starve." he said even though he had a big lunch a few minutes ago. "This is my candy bar." Kid promised. "Lier, lier, plants for hire." black*star mocked. "Its pants on fire Black*star." Kid sighed. "Well you would know..lier." Black*star scoffed as he folded his arms and turned around.

Kid glared at him before he got an idea that he knew would piss him off. He slowly began to peel off the wrapper. "Dont you dare." Black*star warned. Kid slowly began licking the bar. "Im warning you!" he said angrely. Kid continued to lick as Black*star screamed.

Finally when he decided he had enogh he pushed the bar into his mouth and ate it. "YOUR A CRAZY PERSON!" Black*star yelled as he flipped the table. 


	2. Family guy 1

"Alright Stien lets get this over with." Spirit sighed as he walked into Stiens office. Stien had insisted he get a physical. "This may seem a little odd Spirit but please lower your pants." Stien said calmly. Spirit blushed lightly as he pulled them down. He knew what was comeing next. The whole turn your head and cough.

"Okay now please turn around and bend over the exsamination table." Stien instructed. With a bit of hesitation he turned and bent as Stien pulled on his gloves. "So Stien what are you gonna.. AAAHH!" Spirit cried as he felt a finger go up his rectum.

Spirit jumped up and backed up into a shelf breathing heavily. "What the hell Stien?!" Spirit demanded. "I'm just doing a normal rectum exsaime." Stien said calmly. "To hell with with that!" Spirit screamed. Then with his pants and boxers still around his ankles he hobbled out of the room makeing rediculas whimpering and whining noises. He hobbled out of the school and past the basketball court where Maka sat on the bench reading a book.

Maka looked up at him and sighed. "Oh god papa, why?" she groaned as she buried her now tomato red face into her book. 


	3. Julian smith 1

One day at the gallows manshin Soul, Black*star and Kid sat watching t.v. Soul stood up and streached as it went to commercial. "Hey Kid you got anything to drink?" he asked. "Yea in the fridge." Kid said. As Soul walked to the kitchen Black*star spoke up. "Hey grab me a glass of malk."

"We don't have any malk but i can get you some milk." Soul said. Both Black*star and Kid looked at him confused. "Thats what he just said." Kid told him. "Naw hes saying malk like its a desies." Soul complained. Kid chuckled. "How do you say it?" he scoffed. "I say it like everyone should say it. Milk. M-I-L-K."

"Yea like 2%" "Right whole malk" Soul sighed. "No, no, no. Say milkshake." "Milkshake." Black*star repeted. "Now say milk." "Malk." Soul facepalmed.

"Are you hearing this?" he said to kid. "Yea the guy wants a glass of mulk." "Mulk?" both boys said confused. "Give him the mulk Soul!" Kid snapped annoyed. "Kid." Liz said from the top of the stairs. "Inside voices. Pattys Napping." "Sorry Liz." Kid said. "My mortal friends."

"Soul! Pour me a glass of malk!" black*star demanded. "Why are you yelling at me?" Soul asked confused. "Just give him the frekin mulk!" Kid yelled afraid that them yelling would wake Patty even though he was also yelling.

"You guys arnt even saying the same things!" Soul snapped. "Were all saying malk Soul!" Black*star yelled. "No your saying malk!" Soul yelled back. "Your saying-!" he was cut off when Kid started yelling Malk over and over as Black*star sang malk like an ophra singer. Finally Soul snapped and pulled a gun out of his pocket.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" he yelled as he pointed it at his head. Then an irrated liz holding a sleepy eyed Patty walked down the staires. "I thought I told you guys to-." Liz began but Kid stopped her. "Both of you transform. There's a kishen." "Kishen? Where?" Liz panicked as they transformed and landed in there hands.

They pointed there own guns at Soul. "Put it down Soul." Kid told him."Your going to shoot me if I shoot myself? That dosnt make any sense!" Both boys looked at each other before putting the guns to there own heads.

"Drop the gun soul!" Kid yelled. "Put it down!" Black*star begged. "Put you guns away!" Soul cried. "Im going to kill myself over this!" "Your like a brother to me! Your hand is like a brother to me!" Black*star wailed. While the boys screamed Liz and Patty gave each other a look that said "Dear god there smoking crack."


	4. The simpsons 1

A/N hey guys Dawn here. Sorry if this chapter sucks. I have a damn fever of 101 degrees, a killer headache, and fatiuge.

Soul and maka held hands as they walked down the sidewalk together. With a nervous sigh Maka looked at Soul. "Soul?" "Hmm?" Soul murmured. Maka hesitated before continuing.

"In every marrige there comes a time when you say, i need you to do this for me." Soul paused for a moment before talking.

"That is the most stupidest thing i have ever heard." "MAKA-CHOP!"

A/N oh , ugh my head. What i wouldnt give to have Tamaki heard with me makeing me feel better. Well im gonna go die now. Bye! 


	5. Spongebob 2

A/N Hey guys! I havent updated some stories in a while so I desided to say how its going!

Shinigami samas four children-yea no one really cares about that story so ill probably just delete it.

Soul eater love one-shots-This is my most poupular story so I wont give up on it! But dont exspect an update to soon cause im fresh outa ideas

Soul eater on crack-Excpect a lot of updates cause now im chock-full of ideas thanks to my younger sis HTFGIRL

The shadow princess-Yea im just really stuck on what to do next for this one.

Fairy tale-stuck on this one too

Forbbiden fruit-Gonna wait till I get more fans

Ouran music theater-WHY DO YOU PEOPLE NO COMMENT!

Ouran high school eater-next chappie will be out soon

Ourans new member-New chappie on this one soon too

I swear ill be home for christmas-Ive sorta lost motivation on this one

Red and blue roses-All out of ideas

Aaand i think thats about it. ON TO THE STORY!

"Black*star, could you watch the phone for me while I talk to lord death?" Stien asked. "Of course! You can always trust your god to do silly little things for you!" Black*star yelled. Stien rolled his eyes and walked away. Black*star sat at the desk and whisled. Soon the phone rang. "Hello?" he awnsered. "Is this the DWMA?" the man on the other line asked. "No this is Black*star." Black*star said before hanging up and twiddling his thumbs.

The the phone rang again. "Hello?" "Is this the DWMA?" the women on the other end asked. "No, this is black*star." Black*star said, now slightly annoyed. He hung up and whisled.

Then the phone rang yet again. "Hello?" "Is this the DWMA?" "NO! THIS IS BLACK*STAR DAMNIT!" Black*star yelled before ripping the phone out of the wall and throwing it across the wall. "Im not a DWMA." Black*star muttred with a huff.

Soul walked over to Black*star and put a hand on his shoulder. "Dude, there talking about the school not you." he said. "DAMNIT! EVERY TIME!" Black*star screamed in frustration. 


	6. Spongebob 3

Death the kid walked to the front of the classroom and cleared his througt. He was subbing for today. "Alright everybody, first lesson." Kid spoke. "People talk loud when they want to sound smart." "CORRECT!" Black*star yelled from the back of the room.

A/N sorry for the short chap. The skit is just...really short. Lol. 


	7. Spongebob 4

"AHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Hiro screamed as he snowboarded off of a cliff. He looked forward and his eyes grew wide. He screamed ever louder before he smashed into the mountain.

"Aww man I got dead again." Hiro groaned as he stared his the handheld video game in which he just died in by smashinng into a mountain. "This game is too hard." he complained before looking up and screaming as he really did smash into a moutain.

LOL poor Hiro. 


	8. Drtran 1

Crona sat peacfully in front of a fire one peacefull night and breathed in the fresh forest air. The perfect night to go camping. So long as nothing tried to kill him. He shook that silly thought out of his head and smiled as he continued to roast a sausege over the fire.

Meanwhile Stien was wandering along after a nice of fishing (Lol stien going fishing) and saw Crona. He smiled as he deicided to play a little prank on the pink-haired teen. He slowly crept over and got as close as he could to Crona then whispered in his ear, "Im gonna kill you." Crona screamed and shot up, dropping the half-cooked sausege on the floor.

Crona ran and Stien chased with wide eyes. "I-I didnt mean it!" he called. Crona didnt hear him and continued to run and scream. "Dont be angry!" Stien begged.

Hehe lol poor Crona. Stien ruined his night thats for sure. 


	9. Tdi series 1

Liz sat and stared at Maka as jelousy raged through her. Maka was flurting with Kid and feeding him cookies. (YUMMIE!) Liz loved Kid and would do anything to get him. Suddenly she hatched up a plan to get him interested. She stood up and looked shocked. "Oh no I think I sat on some gum." she said aloud, hoping to get Kids attention.

"No your good." Patty said cheerfully. Liz glared at her and then spoke up. "I think some gum is stuck on the seat of my jeans." she said. "I just said you were fine." Patty repeted. Liz growled when neither Maka nor Kid paid her any mind. "Look at my bootie! Its-!" she was once again cut off by Patty.

"Perfectly fine! Yeesh stress much?" Patty giggled.

A/N in case some of you are confused, that was from total drama world tour. Maka was Courtney, Kid was Alejandro,Liz was Heather, and Patty was Siearra. Liz wanted Kid to look at her butt. hehe jelous much. 


	10. Dick figures 1

Black*star stumbled up to Soul one night during a wild party and slung his arm around his shoulder with a messt grin. "I love you." he slurred as Soul stared at him uneasily. "L-I-L-letes grow old together in every way. EVERY WAY!" he growled. Soul looked around nervously before awnsering. "kaaay." he said slowly as he took black*stars arm off of him. 


	11. Dick figures 2

Spirit cooly walked up to Blair who was sitting at the counter at a bat, chatting with her friends. Spirit cleared his throught and spoke. "Hey baby, knock knock. Whos there? Sex. Sex with me. BOOM!" When Spirit yelled boom he threw his hands up in the air and sunglasses magiclly appered on his face.

Blair smiled. "Aww call me." she purred. "Whatever." Spirit growled as he walked away, leaving behind a very confused and dissapointed Blair. 


	12. Family guy 2

A crash was heard one night in Justin Laws house. He ran to the top of the staires with a bat. There he saw sevral men in his living room, stealing his stuff. "My god." he whispered to himself. "Justin what happened?" his wife Yumi asked as she ran over.

Justin stared at her for a moment before hitting her upside the head with the bat, knocking her out. "Oh Yumi, you scared me." he said calmly, when in reality he just really wanted to hit her with a bat. 


	13. Clannad 1

Spirit, Soul and Maka sat at a kotatsu at Spirit's house one evening. "So you guys are married but whens the wedding?"Spirit asked. "As soon as I save up enogh money." Soul responded. Spirit scoffed. "Why couldn't you marry like a doctor or a lawyer instead of some hobo?" Spirit asked. "Because I love him of course." Maka said plainly. "Don't speak so seriously. You'll make your poor dad depressed." Spirit sulked.

"Oh that remindes me, I should start calling you dad from now on." Soul said. "No way, that's disgusting!" Spirit jeered. "Well it only makes sense I mean you are my father in law. Isn't that right, dear ol' dad?" Soul said with a smirk. Spirit's eyes went wide and he began to scream and scratch his neck like Soul was some kind of desiese.

"Fine if you want to play that game then I'll call you son! How's that son!?" Spirit yelled. Just like Spirit did, Soul began scratching his neck. "Stop it dad it hurts!" Soul begged. Spirit started rolling back and forth on the table, while Soul banged his head on the wall. "Son!" "Dad!" "Son!" "Dad!" "Soooon!" 


	14. Spongebob 5

"All right, put the money in the bag! PUT IT IN!" Black*star yelled as he held a bag to the counter at the bank. "Sir, your facing the wrong way." Kid sighed as Black*star stupidly faced the wrong derection, unable to see due to his ski mask. Black*star turned and chuckled sheepishly. "All right! Give me the money!" he demanded.

"Will that be from your checkings or your savings?" Kid asked calmly. "Uh savings." Black*star said. "May I please see some identifacation?" Kid asked. "Sure, there you go." Black*star said as he gave his card to Kid. As he waited he turned and gave Soul a thumbs up, which Soul returned. Then Kid spoke up.

"Sir your showing a balence of zero dollars and zero cents for both of tour accounts." "...oh." Black*star said. "NEXT!" Kid called. 


	15. Family guy 3

Black*star sighed as he stared at the full vegatarean meal in front of him. He was visiting Tsubaki's parents and was having dinner with them. "I want ice cream." he whined. "No, you finish your dinner first." Tsubaki's dad said sternly. Black*star scowled and stood up. "Sit down right now mister." he said. (Natsu. Her father's name will be Natsu.)

Black*star ignored him and pulled the chair over to the fridge and stood on it. "Put that chair back right now." Natsu ordered. Black*star opened the freezer and grabbed the mint choclate chip ice cream. He pulled the chair back and opened the tub of ice cream. "You put that back right now." Natsu warned. Black*star dug his spoon into the ice cream and held it to his mouth.

"Young man if you put that in your mouth-." he thretaned. "N-no, d-don't you do it." he said as he held it closer. Finally Black*star stuck it in his mouth. Natsu grabbed Black*star, bent him over the table, and began to spank him. Black*star kicked and wailed as he spanked him. "I hate you! I hate you! I want my mommy!" Black*star cried. "Well i'm all you've got!" Natsu yelled. Tsubaki sighed as placed her head in her hands. "Every time." she muttered. 


	16. Julian smith 2

Soul sat at the table one morning, reading a newspaper and drinking coffee. Then Black*star walked in with a coffee pot In his hand and a happy look on his face. "Morning Soul." Black*star greeted. "Mornin" he responded, wondering why Black*star was in his house. "I made a pot of kool-aid." Black*star said, holding up the pot. "There goes the rest of the coffee." Soul thought. "You don't make a pot of kool-aid."

"W-well I did." Black*star shrugged. "Is it hot?" soul asked, already knowing the answer. "Mabye, Mabye not." "It's hot isn't it?" "Yea!" Black*star cheered, accidentally spilling some on the floor in his excitement. "Hot kool-aid?" Soul scoffed, hoping he wasn't being serious. "Well I could put some ice in it if you'd like." He offered? "No thanks I'm not thirsty." soul said, looking back at his paper.

"Soul." Black*star protested. "I'm not gonna drink it!" Soul snapped. "I made this for you." Black*star whispered, trying his best to hold back his anger. "No." Soul said trying to end the matter. But black*star wasn't backing down. "Drink it!" "No!" "I want you to drink this!" "I'm not drinking it!" Black*star stuttered a bit trying to come up with a threat, and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Drink this right now or I'll pour it on the floor and blame it on you!" Black*star yelled as he condescendingly held up the pot. "Oh yea, real mature." Soul scoffed sarcasticly, rolling his eyes. Black*stars breathing started to come in quick, heavy pants. "I made this for you!" he screamed.

"Now why don't you grow up?" Soul asked him, really loseing his patience. "I did! Because I love you!" Black*star cried. "Well I'm not gonna drink it." Soul told him. "I hate you!" he screamed with fury. "That's all I ever hear anymore! Soul try this! Soul try that! Remember you made cinnamon toast and um.." Soul snapped his fingers as he tryed to remember it. "Mayonnaise." Black*star reminded. "Mayonnaise!" Soul said. "It was a good idea." Black*star pouted.

"You didn't make a single pound." "I made a pound of cinnamon toast and mayonnaise." "Oh and remember Rocky road and tobacco. What was that, three girls hospitalized." Black*Star balled his fists and glared. "YOU DRINK THIS RIGHT MOW," Black*star screamed. "Drink your own hot kool-aid!" Soul snapped. "There so much left of it. What am I gonna do with all this hot kool-aid?"

"Drink it!" "No!" "YES!" "NO!" Then Black*star got on his knees near soul and looked him in the eyes. "Soul..please...drink...my...hot...kool-aid." Black*star whispered. Soul sighed in defeat and put down his newspaper. "Okay." He surrendered. "Okay." Black*star repeated as he watched soul bring the cup to his lips. With a sigh he drank some of it. He smacked his lips a little before answering. "It's okay." Soul said.

Later on black*star was seen sitting on the front porch trying to sell all of his left over hot kool-aid.


	17. Naruto 1

"Hello welcome to Shinigami-samas Chinese restaurant. How may I help you?" Shinigami-sama asked cheerfully. "Hey, can I get um..three orders of teriyaki chicken, three orders of rice, and uh..." Kid ordered. Then he turned around. "Hey guys do you want the soup?" Kid asked soul and black*star. "Sure!" They both said happfully.

"Okay three orders of soup and..that's it." Kid said. "And then..?" Shinigami-Sama asked. "Oh and some fortune cookies." kid said. "And then...?" He repeated. "And then uh..that's it." Kid said. "And then..?" He said again. "...nope..nope that's it. Just the chicken, the rice, the soup, and that's it." Kid said. "And then..." Shinigami Sama said. "Don't forget the cookies!" Soul called. "Yea and the cookies and that's it." Kid said.

"And then...?" "And then you can put it in a brown paper bag and serve it up because I am ready to eat!" Kid said. "And then..?" "I am not going to play one of you Chinese mind tricks." Kid growled. "And then..?" "No! No and then! "And then! "No and then!" "and then!" "No and then!" "And then!" "No..no and then!" "And theeeeen?" "Your really starting to piss me off dad." Kid warned. "And then?" Shinigami-Sama persisted.

"and then..hehe..I am going to come in there and put my foot, up your ass if you say and then again!" Kid yelled. Everything was quiet for a moment until.." AND THEN, AND THEN, AND THEN, AND THEN!" Kid screamed in frustration and dove into the counter. What happened next..is up to your imagination.


	18. Family guy 4

Black*star sat in front of the t.v with his friends and Tsubaki. They were all on the edge of there seats watching to see who won the football game. When the team won the game Black*star got extremely existed. "Yes yes YES!" He cried as he kept in the air and stopped in a freeze frame.

It was quiet for a moment before Tsubaki asked, "Black*star how are you doing that?" "I-I don't know I'm scared!" Black*star whimpered. "We'll what should I do?" Tsubaki asked. "Call someone!" "Who do I call?" "I don't know! A fireman, a policeman..a scientist! Call a scientist!" "Okay I'm gonna go call a scientist!" Tsubaki said as she ran of. "Am I gonna die?" Black*star whimpered as he was still suspended in the air.

A/N okay that one sucked.


	19. Clannad 2

Soul and Spirit rushed into the bathroom at the sound of running and a door slamming. "Maka what's wrong?" Soul asked frantically. Maka was clutching onto the sink with Kami at her side with a hand on her back. Then Maka looked up and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry guys. I just felt a little nauseous." They were quiet for a moment before spirit scoffed and leaned n the door way with his arms crossed.

"Nauseous huh? What are you, pregnant?" He asked. Soul growled and faced him. "Don't joke about that!" He yelled. Spirit smirked. "If the guy had any balls she would already have a bun in the oven." "She does." Kami said with a smile. "W-what?" Spirit asked. "Soul and Maka are going to have a child. Congratulations." She said to,soul happily.

Spirt was flustered as he started asking questions. "Whoa whoa whoa Kami! How did this happen?! By pregnant you mean a stork came, or they picked it out of a cabbage patch, or there fairy godmother granted there wish or something?!" Spirit yelled. "No dad it doesn't work that way!" Maka insisted. "Me and soul are married now so..." She hesitated.

"_No Maka don't say it."_Soul thought frantically. With a blushing face she took a deep breath and blurted out, "We had sex and sex makes babies!" Spirit stood there dumbfounded. "_Only a person like you would say that in front of her parents. Actually only a girl like you would say that at all. Your one of a kind Maka." _he thought. "She hasn't had her period in two months." Kami said. "We think this is the real thing."

"You little creep!" Spirit bellowed as he pinned Soul to the wall. "You dead!" He growled. Then he calmed down and said, "I mean congratulations."


	20. Clannad 3

A/N whoa..been awhile since I updated this thing huh? I will be doing ASDF chapters soon but..well they will be very um...short. Sorry.

"So Maka this is your first time drinking Sake right?" Soul asked as he, Maka, Spirit, and Kami where seated around a table together. "Yea." Maka said nervously before cautiously sniffling the alcohol. She whimpered slightly as she did. "Now Maka you don't have to force yourself to do this." Kami assured her daughter. "n-no, I'll drink at least one cup, for dads sake." She said as she faced Spirit. (Just imagined that she loves her dad, alright?) Spirit was quiet for A moment. "Maka I have never been more proud to call you my daughter then this day." Spirit sobbed.

"Booze really means a lot to you don't it?" Soul asked him wairly. "Here I go." Maka said as she slowly drank the alcohol. "Whoo! Look at her go!" Spirit laughed. When the cup was drained, Maka was still for a moment as her face slowly turned red. She hiccuped slightly and began to sway. "Say Maka you okay? You look a little dizzy." soul said with concern. Maka looked at him with a confused expression on her face. "Soul your so far away, why are you spinning?" Maka asked with a slight slur. Then she scooted closer to him and then pressed her cheek onto his. "There now your closer." She said happily.

"Your totally drunk." Soul sighed, surprised at how little liquor she could hold. "I am not, how dare you." Maka scolded. "im sorry but that's what all drunk people say." Soul admitted. "Oh, arnt you a lovey-dovey couple." Kami teased. "I'm not sure this is lovey-dovey." Soul sighed. "Soul-kun!" Maka shouted. "Why do you seem so interested in my mom? Getting bored of me already?" Maka accused. "What, no!" Soul shouted. "I'd like to know to?" Kami said. Soul looked over to see Kami's face was a slight tinge of red. "Why are you drinking to?!" He cried in exasperation. "Well Soul?" Maka demanded.

"Maka I-" soul began. "pick Kami! She has bigger boobs!" Spirit cried. Soul just slammed his head on the table. "Why are you getting so flustered soul? Do you like her?" Maka screamed. "No, no, no, no!" Soul yelled as he shook his head. "You don't like me?" Kami asked a little crest fallen. "Well I do as a person.." Soul stated. "So you admit you like her!, Maka yelled. "Gah. What the hell did I do to deserve this!" Soul cried as he tried to rip his hair out. Spirit just laughed. "Alright, thats enough teasing him for now." Spirit laughed. "Oh I wasn't teasing, i really want to know." Kami giggled. All hell broke loose.


End file.
